The picture above is 1 cup of absolutely delicious homemade gravy. Guess how long it took me to make it? 5 minutes. It’s so easy to make homemade gravy with this recipe that you will never, ever buy gravy again. Ever!
2 Tablespoons Butter
2 Tablespoons Flour
1 Cup Stock (chicken or beef)
Salt
Pepper
Finally, after 37 days of my “Kill, kill, kill the fat man” diet, I’ve lost 20 pounds. That’s a whole goddamn turkey I was lugging around!
37 days is longer than I thought it would take to lose 20 pounds, but it’s still pretty good as far as I’m concerned. That being said, I’ve still got another 116 pounds I want to lose to reach my goal of 200 pounds.
As far as the diet part goes, I’ve been doing good sticking to the low carb lifestyle. Prior to Monday I hadn’t lost any weight in almost two weeks and that was really demoralizing. I tried switching up everything to see if something could get me over the plateau, but nothing worked.
Then I read on one of the low carber forums that you can trick your body into increasing your metabolism by eating some carbs for a few days. This past weekend, out of desperation, I gave it a shot. On Saturday night I had some fried chicken and a small amount of mashed potatoes, then on Sunday I had a few pieces of pizza and a cupcake. I felt like complete shit for those two days, both mentally and physically, but it was worth it. Got on that scale Monday morning and I was down 2 pounds and it’s a been a pound or so every day since.
Die fat! Die!
I get a text from my wife at work yesterday: “You got a package from Jamaica”. How exciting! A package from Jamaica, I wonder what it could be? So I spent the rest of the day pondering the package’s contents based on its tropical origins.
I got home and I sprinted (total lie) to the box only to see the sticker on the top that said: “Jicama”. That’s not Jamaica! It is however a delicious root vegetable from a plant of the same name that is grown mostly in Mexico. They are going to be selling them at Giant Eagle now which is how I ended up with one. I can’t wait till they start sending me steaks to review.
If you’re unfamiliar with Jicama, it looks a lot like a potato, although they are generally much larger and less starchy. The flesh is crisp and juicy like an apple with a nice crunch when you bite into it.
Being on a low carb diet, I thought I’d try to make a dish with the jicama that could be carb friendly. Maybe too remind me of the good old days when I could eat potatoes. I settled on jicama hash browns, while they do have some carbs, the levels are no where near that of a potato. They are easy to make and quite delicious.
Despite the fact that their scent fills the air every time someone walks by, I have not touched one. Haven't even thought about it to be honest. Alright, I've thought about it a lot. But still no touchy.
However, if someone sees that the plate is empty with only a few crumbs scattered around, you can find me under my desk, unconscious, with chocolate all over my face.
I’ve been eating a lot of roasted vegetables lately and I generally prepare them simply with a little olive oil, salt and pepper. But I have to tell you, for applying the oil, brushes really suck. The old fashioned pastry brushes are impossible to clean and the new fangled silicone ones are completely worthless.
That’s where this cool little device, the Misto, comes in.
The Misto oil sprayer is essentially a aluminum cylinder with a cap that has a sprayer nozzle like a paint can. You put your own oil in (it also works with vinegar and any other liquid for that matter) the cylinder, replace the cap and use the lid to pump it. The pumping builds pressure which allows use to use the spray nozzle without any propellant chemicals. Pretty sweet.
A few pumps is enough to spray for 10 seconds and the light mist created by the nozzle is perfect for oiling up a pan or spraying on vegetables before grilling.
I really like this little gadget, it’s easy to use, easy to clean and it only cost $10. You can’t beat it.
I told you earlier this week about my new-found love of French Press coffee, here’s how you use one to make the best coffee you’ve ever had:
The Coffee – Obviously the most important part of the equation. Buy a good quality coffee bean and grind it very coarsely at home. Don’t have a coffee grinder at home? Most places that sell coffee beans either have one available for you to use or do it for you. The most important thing to remember is a coarse grind, that’s best for a French Press. (Fear not if you don’t have coarse ground coffee though, I’ve tested it with all different grinds and while coarse is the best, the others all work too.)
I’ve never been a big coffee drinker as the acidic taste of most coffee really doesn’t agree with me, not to mention the fact that even a small cup of coffee will tear my stomach to shreds. There’s also the part about me being a real cheap ass SOB. So I go without.
But recently a friend told me about his Bodum French Press coffee maker and what a smooth luxurious cup of coffee it makes. I picked one up for myself and the proof is in the pudding(mmm, pudding): I’ve had at least one cup of coffee every day since I’ve bought it. So much for not being a coffee drinker.
Making coffee with a coffee press takes about the same amount of time as brewing a pot with a regular coffee maker, but it does require a bit more effort on your part. The reward is a fantastically smooth cup of coffee that will blow your mind if you’ve become accustomed to that acidic swill they serve up just about everywhere. Another nice thing is that they aren’t expensive at all, the one I got was only $20. That’s what, 5 trips to Starbucks?
Another feature of the Bodum Coffee press that I really like is the fact that it’s portable, you can take it anywhere with you. If I want a cup of coffee at work, I can bring this in with little hassle. What about traveling? Do you really want to use one of those hotel room coffee makers? You know every single one of those has had semen in it. I’ll make my own coffee, thanks.
Keep your eye open later this week when I show you how to use a French Press coffee maker so you too can enjoy coffee the way it is meant to be.
Today marks the 18th day of my “Kill Fatty” plan and I weight 324.8 pounds. Those of you following along at home may notice that’s a bit higher than my Saturday weight of 323. I’m thinking that 323 was one of those weird scale anomolies instead and of weighing myself again for accuracy, I jumped on that shit with vigor.
So I really haven’t lost any weight for 7 days or so, which completely sucks. I appear to be doing everything right:
Yet, I am still not losing the weight. That being said, I appear to be losing weight. My clothes are fitting better, my belt is now on it’s first hole and I just look a bit thinner. I can see veins I haven’t seen in a while, feel bones I didn’t remember were there. So generally, it’s looking good, I just need to start seeing it on the scale.
I’m confident that I will though.
Although my first post about my decision to lose weight was yesterday, today is actually the 12th day of the process. In that 12 days I’ve lost 13 pounds. Hells yes. That’s some pretty sweet shit. So I’m down to 323 pounds.
One might ask, how can you lose 13 pounds in 12 days? Low carb baby.
I know, I know. All those people that wished me well yesterday are now going to give me shit because I picked a method of losing weight that has a lot of flaws. I’m well aware of all the reasons low carb diets suck: you can regain the weight quickly once you stop, missing out on a lot of essential nutrients and vitamins, hair loss, bad breath, fatigue, smelly pee (no, really, my pee stinks, it’s like asparagus pee all day long). You name it, I’ve heard it. And I’m fine with all of them.
Here’s why I chose to lose weight with a low carb diet:
-I eat less – it’s really easy to load up on mashed potatoes, but it’s a hell of a lot tougher to eat a mountain of beef.
-I eat healthier – No more sugar is a good thing. I basically get to choose between hearty vegetables and meat, and most of the time to fill myself up, I’m eating a ton of vegetables.
-No more snacking – Well I snack now and then, but it’s a lot less often then I used to.
-I exercise more – When you see positive results almost immediately from exercising, it’s a lot easier to keep up.
And there are a 100 more reasons that I like low carb. My thought is this, the more weight I lose, the less I will want to eat and the easier it will be for me to exercise. Let me tell you, lugging around 336 pounds, even walking is difficult. If your house is on fire, you don’t start picking out new paint colors or furniture, you have to put the fire out first before you can work on the repairs. I’m simply in the process of putting the fire out in my life and I’m using low carb to do it.
I have an addiction. Unlike a lot of other people with addictions, my addiction is socially acceptable. It doesn’t cause me to miss work or smack around my wife. I’ve never had to borrow money to make it to my next paycheck. As a matter of fact, if you count this website, my addiction has actually made me money (heroin addicts turn green with envy).
Plain and simple, I’m addicted to eating.
I eat too much. I eat the wrong things. I eat to reward myself when I do something good. I eat to console myself when something bad happens. I rationalize it by telling myself that I deserve it (which is bullshit). I eat when I’m bored. Sometimes I’ll even eat when I know I’m already full. I know I shouldn’t be eating, but I do it anyway. I often ask myself, “Why am I eating?”, yet I never answer. I get up and think what I get to have for breakfast. While I’m eating breakfast I think about lunch and at lunch I’m thinking about what I get to have for dinner. My brain is never satisfied, no matter how much I eat.
It’s a serious problem for me, and it has been my entire life. I decided two weeks ago that I was going to to change it. If I don’t, it won’t be long until Richard Simmons is in my driveway with a Sawzall and a Ryder truck.
I plan on sharing my experience with you as I go, because all along this site has been about my life with food, why change it now? It’s going to be hard for me to share seeing as that 90% of the readership is either works with me or is related to me, but I’m going to do it anyway as even embarrassment is a good motivator.
Hi, I’m Mark, I weigh 336 pounds, and I’m a fatty.
They say the first step to any great change is admitting you have problem, on to step 2, doing something about it.
