For the first time in my life, I have a garden. It’s a 7’ x 14’ area behind my house that gets tons of beautiful Cleveland sunlight and proves to me that I am the most impatient man on the planet. Holy shit! I’ve waited 2 months, MONTHS, for my tomato to start turning red. Just turning red! Not even you can eat me red, just orangish-green.

A garden is running punishment for fat people.

But I guess it’s worth it. In addition to being relaxing, the food that comes out of it is unmatched in quality and there is the added benefit of being able to refer to things as if you’re an actual farmer. Telling people you have to “go tend to your crops” holds some real weight. Unless they think you’re just gonna go play with yourself.

I’m going to great lengths to document my garden, so I don’t make the same mistakes next year. Like cauliflower. What a waste of my time and money. Not only did my cauliflower plants get attacked by lousy German worms, but I’ve come to find out that you have to plant cole plants like cauliflower during the summer to harvest in the fall. I’m an idiot.

I’m also documenting the date and weight of everything I “harvest”. Maybe it will help me be more patient next year when I see that I didn’t get to pick any tomatoes until the middle of July.

There will be much more to come on the Eating Cleveland garden project in the near future. Hopefully some photos of actual vegetables, if they ever grow…