Dear Pancakes,
I know this is your big week and all, but I wanted, no needed, to write you. I have something to get off my chest.
I think you suck.
I’m sorry to be so blunt, but that’s just the kinda guy I am. I’m not saying it to hurt your feelings or impugn your good reputation, I just believe that you are about the worst food on the planet.
You’re a flavorless patty of moist flour that’s only redeeming value is that your lack of flavor allows you to be a inconspicuous carrier of things that actually do taste good like syrup, fruit and whatever they can stuff inside one of those McGriddles. You should be sold on the paper plates aisle as you both serve the same purpose.
As a matter of fact, a decent paper plate does a much better job of delivering delicious food to my mouth because I don’t have to worry about it turning into a giant pile of mush if I turn my attention away from it for more than three seconds.
You know, you could learn a thing or two from your pal waffle. Notice how he starts out all crispy? And how when the syrup is on him it doesn’t cause him to disintegrate? Maybe if you just took some time to learn how to be a more tasty food, you might eventually be edible.
I doubt it though.
Yours,
Mark
Photo: svadilfari
Tagged with: breakfast • national pancake week • Pancakes
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February 25th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I recommend trying the Banana Crunch with Granola or Cranberry Nut pancakes at First Watch. There’s one in University Heights (tucked away in the strip mall next to Whole Foods), one in Rocky River, and one at Crocker Park. You might change your tune. I know, I know, it’s a chain, but OMG are the breakfasts there good!
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February 25th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
National Pancake Week, huh? raising awareness for the plight of the oft-neglected flapjacks?
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February 25th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I feel the same way about Lettuce. No one friggin likes lettuce — they like the stuff that accompanies lettuce. It’s a delivery vehicle for dressing and bacon bits, or something that makes you feel better about shoving a burger in your fat face (like it does for me).
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March 4th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
How dare you?
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March 11th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
pancakes is actually a mortal enemy of waffles.
and with good reason!
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March 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
You need to try some of the better pancakes in town; my two recommendations are either Grumpy’s in Tremont or West Side Market Cafe.
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