I’ve done some posts recently about great customer service experiences I’ve had with OXO, Exaclair and Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Through their actions I can see that those companies appreciate me as a customer.  Similarly, I can see by the way ConAgra Foods treated me that they don’t give a damn about me as a customer.

Here’s the Story
My wife and I were at Sam’s Club on a Saturday so there were dozens of geriatric women passing out individual bites of food.  Now my wife, bless her heart, has a sickness.  She feels that if she accepts something from one of these people she’s required to buy it, otherwise she feels guilt.  Ahh, what a good Catholic.

As we walked through the store I managed to distract her attention with shiny objects and we avoided almost all of the sample carts, but I knew we were in trouble as we navigated the ceiling-to-floor freezer maze.  She made eye contact with a little old lady peddling the Swiss Miss Frozen Fudgebars and that sealed the deal.  Chocolate and guilt are an unbeatable tagteam.

I’ll admit the Swiss Miss Fudgebars were good, but they certainly weren’t a value at $10 a box.  Doing her best to connect with the cheap bastard living inside me of my wife pitched an idea that the chocolate bars were actually a good deal and that it would take a long time before we got through the box so it would be an investment for our future.  I almost bit, but we left that day without the Fudgebars. 

That however, was not the last push I got for the Fudgebars.  It was like the sample implanted some microchip into her brain that caused her to constantly bring them up in conversation:

Me: Did you see they are bringing back American Gladiators?
Her: Yeah, I heard that.  I used to love that show.  I wonder if they are going to have that thing were the Gladiators would shoot the tennis balls at the contestants.
Me: Oh, they’d have to.  That was the coolest part of the show.
Her: Well we didn’t bring back any Swiss Miss Fudgebars from Sam’s and they were the coolest part of the store.
Me: What?

A Broken Man
I was only able to relent for about a week before I wore down and bought a box with which to surprise her.  I brought them home from the store and she had to have one.  Oddly enough, the bars were very soft, almost too soft to even eat.  We chalked it up to the ride on the way home being hotter than they would have enjoyed and put them into the freezer to enjoy later.

The next day she went to have one and they were even softer, definitely too soft to eat this time.  I thought there might have been something wrong with the freezer, so I put them outside to enjoy a nice -10° night in Cleveland.  The next morning I checked on them and they were completely melted.  It was just a stick in a bag with some juice. 

Know I knew something was up that these weren’t frozen, but I was a bit bewildered wondering what in the hell is in these things that wouldn’t freeze at those low temperatures. 

I gave up and contacted ConAgra Foods, the manufacturer of the Swiss Miss Fudge Bars, about my issue.  I explained how the items would not freeze and requested a full refund because I didn’t want coupons for 30 boxes of Swiss Miss hot chocolate.

About two weeks later I got a B.S. form letter from ConAgra saying they are sorry to hear about my experience with FILL IN PRODUCT NAME HERE.  It was so classless.  And then to top it off, instead of refunding my money as I had asked they sent me two coupons for a free Healthy Choice frozen meal. WTF?  That’s not even close.

Hey ConAgra, your customer service sucks and your customers know it!

Photo: Sakurako Kitsa

• Bed, Bath and Beyond’s Great Customer Service
• General Mills Awesome Customer Service : Guest Blogging
• Awesome Customer Service: OXO
• Cure Your Dog’s Tank Ass
• Trader Joe’s Coming to Mentor?