I am one cheap S.O.B., this fact is not secret. But what I really like is getting an awesome deal. I will shop around for weeks or even months to find the best deal on whatever I’m buying. And then, because I am an arrogant ass, I will tell EVERYONE I know how smart I am because I saved $4 on a cheese grater. “Oh you, paid full price for your cheese grater? SUCKER!” God, that feels so awesome.

There is also something to be said for getting a good deal that’s no work whatsoever, and that’s why I like the Cleveland restaurant deals site idineDeals Cleveland. Every day they have a new restaurant deal for restaurants in Cleveland and the surrounding areas. For example, as I’m writing this they have a deal running for Chester’s Legacy Tavern (OMG ITS SO CLOSE TO MY HOUSE) where you can buy a $35 gift certificate for $15. I pretty much suck at math, but even I know that’s too awesome to pass up.

And that’s all this site is: great deals on Cleveland restaurants. No more hunting around for coupons or waiting for specials, this is a new deal every day. You’ll be leveraging group buying power to get these big discounts. But you have to act fast when you see a deal that catches your eye though – there is only a limited number of each available.

idineDeals is also great way to try new restaurants all over Cleveland and those certificates would make some mighty fine gifts (especially for your favorite fat blogger). If you want to keep an eye on idineDeals Cleveland for Cleveland restaurant discounts you can follow them on Twitter, become their fan on Facebook or do what I do and add them your your RSS reader.

idineDeals Cleveland

idineDeals Cleveland is sponsoring this post by providing compensation to the author.

They estimate that 66 million pounds of sheep’s cheeses are imported to this country every year, yet very little sheep cheese is produced in the United States.  

The Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese initiative is trying to determine if the potential exists to make raising milk sheep in Ohio a valuable endeavor. Give them a hand and fill out this quick survey, especially if you are a chef or food business owner.

Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese Survey

If you’re interested in finding out more about the Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese Initiative head on over to their website.

I’ll admit until I went on my low-carb diet a few months back, I couldn’t stand cottage cheese. It was something they served in hospitals for sick people and I was not sick. Even the name sucks: Cottage cheese. Whenever I think of cottages I can’t help but think of those shitty paintings by Thomas Kinkaid. “Painter of light” my ass. You paint ugly pictures of imaginary places for old women.

But then I went on my low-carb diet and found that there isn’t a damn thing to snack on! So I settled on cottage cheese a couple of times and found that the stuff is pretty tasty.

I thought I’d take a shot at making it myself and I must say there is nothing as luxurious as homemade cottage cheese. It’s got a super fresh taste that can’t be matched by anything at the supermarket.

*A side note: While it tastes amazing, making cottage cheese at home is a lot of work. It take a long time and it’s more expensive than buying it from the store. So if you’re cheap, lazy and generally busy, you should buy your cottage cheese.

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Although, it’s still early in the Cleveland gardening season I’ve already made two big mistakes. The first was planting cole crops, specifically cauliflower and brussels sprouts, at the end of May. Cleveland is in Zone 5, considering that cole plants are “cool” weather loving plants, they are best to plant in the early spring or late summer for a fall harvest.

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For the first time in my life, I have a garden. It’s a 7’ x 14’ area behind my house that gets tons of beautiful Cleveland sunlight and proves to me that I am the most impatient man on the planet. Holy shit! I’ve waited 2 months, MONTHS, for my tomato to start turning red. Just turning red! Not even you can eat me red, just orangish-green.

A garden is running punishment for fat people.

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Perfect for a light appetizer or a creamy salad topper, these baked goat cheese rounds are ridiculously easy to put together and can make it look like you really know how to cook.

Oh and another great part about this dish? Only four ingredients. Four! Children could make this!

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Yes, yes. You read that right, cherry ketchup. I recently found myself with some excess cherries and instead of going the boring jam route, I thought I would mix it up a bit. This cherry ketchup has a rich and spicy flavor you won’t find in a Heinz bottle; you’ll want to use it on everything.

This recipe makes a small amount (only a 8 oz.), but it could easily be doubled or tripled if you wanted to make a big batch. And believe me, you will.

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July 3-10 is COSE’s annual Northeastern Ohio Buy Local Week, a cause I happily support. The goal of the week is to have as many people as possible pledge to redirect $100 to local businesses and follow through with that pledge. I’ve made my pledge and suggest you make yours because for every $100 you spend in NEO, $45 of it stays right here. You can pledge your support here and if you do you’ll get a discount card you can use at 40 local businesses.

Being a fat guy, I’d suggest you spend that $100 on Northeastern Ohio food. In addition to having some of the best chefs and restaurants in this country, there are fabulous small-scale food producers and fresh farmers markets across the area. Here’s 11 ways you can spend your $100 on local food during the week of July 3-10, feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments:

1. Grab a couple of pints of East Coast Frozen Custard.
2. Lunch at Lola.
3. Buy all of your produce at your local farmers market.
4. Mow on a Parmageddon at Melt.
5. Chill out with a 6-pack of Lake Erie Monster from Great Lakes Brewing.
6. Find your nearby Mom & Pop pizza shop, you deserve it.
7. Mounds and mounds of Greenhouse Tavern fries.
8. Pick a few pints of berries, there’s only like 100 places.
9. Find a farmer, buy whatever they got, it’s gonna be good.
10. Local goat cheese is extra creamy.
11. $100 worth of pies is a great way to end any meal.

Photo: Julia Manzerova

Having read and written about food so much (and eaten so much) it’s rare for me to come across a food I’ve never even heard of before. But alas, that was the case with these little guys. These guys are called Feijoas, or sometimes Pineapple Guava.

As you can see they are about the size of a small lime with a skin of a similar texture. To eat one, simply slice it in half and scoop out the sour & sweet fruit. There are little cavities that hold the seeds in a jelly-like substance which is super-sweet. This is surrounded by a firmer flesh that is a little bit gritty, like a pear can be, and it has a bit of a sour taste. The combination of the two is a really unique taste and I’ve become a big fan of it quickly.   

Feijoas are available at Giant Eagle supermarkets, so considering picking a few up your next time in. I bet it won’t be the last time you do.

Full disclosure: I did receive 4 of these guys, so I could describe their delicious flavor to you.

I’m not a cake person.  Especially that pedestrian cake that they sell at your local grocery store, that shit is awful. I’d rather have a nice golden brown fruit pie. Preferably apple or strawberry.

My beautiful and amazing wife however, is a cake person. Specifically chocolate cake. So this year for her second consecutive 29th birthday, I surprised her with quite possible the most luxurious chocolate cake ever made.

This cake was comprised of two unbelievably moist chocolate cakes, between which was an extra thick layer of creamy chocolate mousse. If that wasn’t rich enough, the entire thing was covered in chocolate ganache. Lots of chocolate ganache. Easily 1/4 inch in some places. On the top was some decorative chocolate swirls and sugar flowers, which for some reason my wife really thinks are delicious (She drinks).

 
I can not even begin to describe how wonderful this cake tasted. Chocolate times 1000! It’s almost overwhelming. After enjoying the delicate inside you get to basically eat an entire candy bar that has been wrapped around the outside. You really feel like you’ve accomplished something after eating a slice. And damnit, that’s the way dessert should be!

You might be wondering where I obtained such a wonderful cake, a fancy boutique bakery perhaps? Absolutely not. I was introduced to a woman who makes these cakes out of her house. As you can see she’s amazingly talented and she’s working up to doing this full time. She lives on the near East-side of Cleveland and she’s available to make a cake for you too. In the interest of keeping her personal contact information off of the Internet, if you’d like to order a cake from her leave a comment down below and I’ll send you her email address.

Update: No email address for you! The aforementioned cake lady is leaving the state. No more secret cake lady.